Forgiveness 5: How Does Un-Forgiveness Hurt Us?


The question really becomes, Does un-forgiveness create a wall that creates a breach between our hearts and God’s love? The question of this comes up when we start looking at bible verses. The bible verses are not as important as where they are found. They are found in books of the bible, or dialogue, that tells Christians how to develop a more intimate walk with God.


Forgiveness opens us up to a closer walk with God. We learn how to love on a deeper level.  We are able to accept his love and reciprocate.  Without all the fear, hatred, anger, pain, and wounds altering how we understand God’s word, or poisoning our relationships with others, then we are able to accept the best God wants to give us.


“Dear friends, don’t try to get even. Let God take revenge. In the Scriptures the Lord says, ‘I am the one to take revenge and pay them back.’… Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good” (Romans 12:19,21).


You did not wake up and decide who you were going to be. You are the result of your life experiences and the messages implanted in your mind by others. It is a vicious cycle. First someone hurts us because they are trying to satisfy a need or motivation within themselves. Then we lay blame to avoid taking responsibility for our own choices.


We learn that being passive and sad makes us appear like the ‘good person’ or ‘the victim’. This reinforces our behaviors. This leads to us feeling the right to pick and chose who we will love. In turn, our bad behaviors become habits, needs and motivations. We force these upon others, and justify our actions because they are not as bad as what happened to us.


Many people don’t ever reach the point where they step back and look at how their actions, words, and behaviors effect others. We never ponder what our pain has done to others. We become so obsessed with our own pain and suffering that we become blind to others.


In this cycle, we are too depressed or drained to actually, actively, love others. We can only see what they are not doing for us. We are aware of how they are not meeting our needs, but we make excuses that justify our inability to meet other’s needs.


In the end, anger and resentment have a direct effect on our physical and mental health.

We must logically assume that if we are not able to interact with our family in an emotionally healthy, loving way, then we cannot build an emotionally healthy, loving relationship with God.

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